Friday, October 26, 2012

Midterms, NaNoWriMo, and Procrastination

        Blech, midterms...evil like finals, but with less pressure. I admit, I've been slacking in the studying department, but who doesn't slack at times? Honestly, I find that I'm getting bored with school in general, but not enough to give up. Besides, I need to do well enough to transfer to a more exciting school for my last year. Of course, goofing off on the interwebs isn't helping either. I'm getting to be as bad as the younger kids. @_@
        On top of all this, I'm insane enough to partake in NaNoWriMo. For those of you that have no clue what that is, it stands for National Novel Writing Month. It happens every November, and you try to write a novel during the entire month. It has to be at least 50,000 words. Many have tried, few have succeeded. Both professional and amateur writers (such as yours truly) participate in the fun. I doubt I'll finish my novel, but it would be fun to try, and get to know some other people. :)
        I've been down with a serious case of Don't-Give-A-Fuck Syndrome lately; pretty sad, really. I've been meaning to get a friend's cross-stitch picture done for the longest time, but every time I come home from school, all I want is a nap. Same with writing papers for classes...I put it off until I go into panic mode. But...I'll get myself together in time to pass everything.
        Also, I've been doing some nerd shopping. I'm buying manga volumes as they're being released; I'm getting super cool collector's tins from eBay of one of my all-time favorite animes, Fullmetal Alchemist. I don't know what it is about Edward Elric and company, but they're just too awesome for words. While lots of fangirls squeal over Ed, I personally find Alphonse to be the more adorable of the two. (Especially when he's depicted as older.) ^_^ As soon as I get paid, I'm also getting a Tiger and Bunny wall scroll; too bad the anime won't be released until February. On the other hand, my room will look even cooler. :D
       On a serious note, we all know elections are coming up soon. Here in Minnesota, we have a marriage amendment that the religious asshats want passed. I, of course, am voting against it. As far as I'm concerned, marriage should be between two people who love each other, no matter what genitalia they possess. Just because I'm straight, doesn't mean that the right to marry should be mine and mine alone.
       That's pretty much all I have to say for the time being. I'm sure more exciting stuff will happen soon; if it does, you'll be the first to know. :)

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Even silver clouds have their dark linings (Spoiled Rat Bastard, Part Deux)

    Three weeks...most of the hatred is gone, but not all of it. I'm surprised, to be honest. You'd think that after being with the idiot for almost two years, I'd still be crying my eyes out. Oddly enough, that hasn't happened. I've come close, but it doesn't happen. That doesn't mean that I'm ready to lift the block on Facebook, or have actual contact from him. That won't occur for a long time, if ever. (Well, maybe I'll lift the block if I have a new man. ) ;)
    Some of the collateral damage from this emotional hurricane is the effect on my schoolwork. I usually do well on tests; not so much this time. I'm not TOO worried, though. It's not like it's crunch time for finals just yet. I'm resolving to get my head out of my ass and improve, especially if I want to transfer to another school.
    Meanwhile, I've been staying at home when I'm not in school, and just having a Fullmetal Alchemist marathon. I've already seen FMA: Brotherhood in my anime club, and I wanted to watch the original anime series. I have the complete manga set (which I'm almost done reading), The Sacred Star of Milos AND The Conqueror of Shamballa. (Yeah, I'm just a touch on the obsessed side.) :)
    I still have all the gifts he'd given me. They were DVD sets, some manga, a copy of Beowulf, a T-Shirt and miscellaneous other things. Any other person would have thrown these items out, but not me. Maybe if I cried every time I picked up something he gave me, it would be different. But, they were things I'd been wanting for some time. I haven't forgotten that he gave me this stuff, but I don't place that particular sentimental value on it anymore. They're still cool otaku-worthy items, and I haven't given up my being an otaku just because we're no longer together. In fact, I have a friend who was in a similar situation.
    Now, the rant part of this entry:
    Just for the hell of it, I browsed through his blog today. No, I wasn't expecting to find any shit-talking on his end. As a matter of fact, the last blog entry he posted was way back in March. I was mainly reading the stories he'd written. They're okay, definitely creative, but nothing too note-worthy.
    In my last post, I mentioned that his parents paid for both of his degrees, right? Well, I saw it all in black and white when I read his very first blog post. At that time, he was treating it like a journal of sorts, AND he and I hadn't met yet.
    I'll let you read this part for yourself (an excerpt from his first blog entry):
    IRL, I'm a 20-something person studying for a writing degree at a midwestern college. I already have a degree in graphic design, but I left that school feeling like I hadn't really learned shit. I could only find a job at Kinkos, which I told myself was because design houses just aren't hiring in this economy, but it was mainly because I still felt completely unprepared to work in a mainstream business. After I found out I was going to be fired, I convinced my parents to fund my second degree. I've got some vague idea of becoming a genre fiction writer after I graduate, though a classmate got me interested in working in the anime/manga/comic book industry, which would be the greatest thing forevers. Looking back on my life right now, I see a bunch of zeroes multiplying by themselves and maybe, just maybe, managing to improve. 

   While it's totally understandable to have difficulties finding a job in a shit economy, this was a ridiculous act of cowardice here. I mean, is he going to convince his folks for a third degree if writing doesn't pan out? Give me a fucking break. Maybe this volunteer work will make him grow up, but who knows? I'm guessing he's having a rough time down there, between having to share a room with several other people, to having to cook at some point.
    I told my roommate/landlord about the breakup when I saw him, and he was calling bullshit on the fact of my ex having two fully funded degrees while he was having student loan debt to deal with. Maybe I could understand his folks paying for one degree...but two is just plain idiotic. I would love to have a second degree (once I'm done with the first), but I know I would have to pay for that bad boy myself. Perhaps that's what they should have done with him: make him pay for any additional degrees he desires.
    Maybe I'm crazy for thinking this, but I'm not convinced that the more degrees you have, the better your chances of getting a job. Nothing you do will make that job fall magically into your lap; that's just not the way things really work. But, the ex doesn't seem to grasp that. He's absolutely convinced that the volunteering work he threw me away for will make it rain heaps of job offers upon him when he returns. I don't doubt community service and extracurricular activities help spice up resumes, but that all goes back to 'nothing in life is ever guaranteed'.  
    I will be completely over him eventually. I just need more time. I just have to keep his hopelessly spoiled brat mentality in mind every time I think I want him back. I also have a particularly humiliating pic of him on my computer. Grudgingly, though, I'm not going to post it on here, since he has a blog on this website as well. As entertaining as blasting that pic all over the internet would be, it's not worth it UNLESS he does something hurtful to me.
    There are plenty of other otaku fish in the sea. I'm really hoping the next guy I date has a job, a place of his own, and no umbilical cord attached. It would be a bonus if he had his own car, but I can always work around that. ^_^



Saturday, September 29, 2012

I dated a man-child and survived...where's my T-shirt? (Or, the My Ex Is a Spoiled Rat Bastard blog)

         I know I been meaning to write in this blog everyday...but, life happens.
         Man-child...I know most of you have heard this term at one point or another, and you've certainly seen it in movies like "Step Brothers", "Failure To Launch", "Grandma's Boy", etc. You know what it's about; chronologically grown-ass men living as if they were still children.
        As much as most people would enjoy the idea of living rent-free and not have bills to worry about, most people also crave that thing called independence. And yes, independence isn't cheap, especially in this economy.
        But...a lot of these man-children use the crappy economy as an excuse to not move out. If a guy stayed home to take care of a sick parent, that's one thing. If someone got financially burned because of a job loss or a divorce, and needed time to recoup, fine. If someone just graduated from college and needed some time to save for a place, totally understandable.
        The guys I'm talking about are the ones who have their parents pay for everything and are never expected to chip in around the house. No rent, no cooking, maybe some cleaning once in a while if that. These guys still have health, dental, AND car insurance paid for by their folks. In short, the man who just became my ex.
        Ah, yes....the main focus of my blog newly christened ex. Let me tell you...this guy is a character. This is a gentleman (gag) who hates driving, has TWO college degrees paid for by his loving folks, and has Mommy transfer money into his account despite having access to online banking. (She works at a bank.)
        When I first met him, I thought he was rather sweet and charming in an awkward kind of way. We connected almost right away. :)
        As the months passed, I got to know him more and more. He told me he came from an upper-middle-class family. Now, I'm not going to judge someone based on how much money they have. I give everyone a fair shake.
        When his dad came to pick him up from the dorms, we went out to eat. The place was very expensive and very fancy; I even felt a twinge of guilt for having this man buy me dinner at this fancy restaurant. But, that feeling passed.
         That same summer, I ended up back at my mom's due to not being able to find a job in the area of the college. Luckily, I was able to get a job where she lived. Good thing too, because I had a debt to the college to pay off. While I was sweating the debt I had, he got to enjoy a summer of absolutely nothing to do. He didn't have to look for work; why would he, with Mommy and Daddy taking care of everything as usual? When I complained to him about my debt, he had an interesting response: "If it were me, I'd be depressed all day." O.o
        To me, that shows lack a of courage. Yes, being sad over an issue like that for a couple of hours is fine. Being too sad to the point of not doing anything isn't exactly productive. You eventually have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get the problem solved. I guess I should have realized then what a chickenshit he was.
        Another fine example of this cowardice: When I returned to school that following fall, I got an off-campus place about six miles north of the school. At the time, all I had was a bike. I was in the process of getting my license back (long story) and a car. Until then, I had to make a 12-mile round trip to school and back every day for two months. I was grumbling about how much it sucked. He said, "Well, you could've chosen to drop school for the semester." Again, he would've given up had he been in my shoes.
        During the bit of getting a license again, I had him drive my car to the license bureau. He hated doing it, but he did it for me after I pointed out that it wouldn't exactly look good if I drove myself up to the license place. During the trip, he had an absolute fit about making a left turn. All I could do was roll my eyes.
        Perhaps I should have left him then, but I was willing to overlook those things. I mean, we all have our childish moments from time to time.
        Time went on, as it does. After I got my license back, and after fall semester was over, he left school. He was done with his degree, but didn't want to stick around for the pomp and circumstance crap. (Can't blame him.) During winter break, I dog-sat for one of my professors while he was enjoying the fact that he was done with school. I went down to see him after I was done with the dog-sitting job.
        For the duration of my visit with him, we went out. We went to the zoo, to the mall, out to eat, whatever. His mom was actually happy that I was getting him out of the house, because apparently he hadn't been getting out much. Pretty sad, really.
       Fast forward a couple of months. We were chatting online one night, and he's got a dilemma. His mom knows the owner of the local Subway, and he's willing to give my ex a job there if he wants it. All handed to him on a silver platter. (I wish things came that easily to me.) My ex is hemming and hawing about it; he doesn't know what to do. Since I'm not one to sugarcoat things, I decided to give me my honest take on it. Since he wasn't having luck yet on the dream job search, I told him that taking the job would be a good idea; it would help build up some savings for his own place and he can add more work experience to his resume. He complained that if he took the job, he'd be stuck there forever. I tried telling him about this wonderful thing called multitasking. He could send out resumes and search for more jobs while building an income. At least, that's what I would have done. Then, he said he was worried about work interfering with my spring break visit. I told him we could work around that if need be. Then he got pissed off about the whole thing. Ultimately, the decision was his to make. I just gave him reasons why he should take it. Admittedly, he felt like the job was beneath him, a holder of two degrees. Meanwhile, I have friends in other states who would have gladly taken the opportunity he was given.
        His decision, but his attitude was making me sick. This is obviously someone who has never known a day of struggling in his life. His idea of suffering is not having his books in stock, his computer games malfunctioning, or missing his webcomics for a day or two.
       And you're thinking, "Seriously? Why the fuck are you still with this dude?" Well, I was still in love with him at the time, and I had hoped my real life experience would rub off on him at some point.
        Spring Break...and I'm visiting him and his folks again. He's still not landed a dream job, but isn't making any real effort either. He still wasn't getting out much when I arrived, so back out into the city we went. I took him to a museum, to one of my old childhood haunts, and to a cousin's place. When we went to a bookstore, he went to buy something ($60 RPG book, I think it was), and his card wasn't working. I offered to get it for him, but he turned me down. When we got back, he told his mom what happened. And his dad was quite pissed about him buying a $60 book with no money coming in. She looked up his checking account, and he didn't have enough for his book, he was short a few dollars. So then, he asked her to transfer some money from savings into checking. He has online banking; you'd think he'd get up and go to his own computer and do this himself. Plus, I wouldn't get an account in the same bank my mom works at. Way too invasive for me.
       Speaking of the mom/bank account issue, he told me had savings from his summer jobs from over the years, but his folks would still give them (he has a brother, too) an allowance during the school year. Why, I don't know. They were already paying his tuition and his room and board; why an allowance, too? I guess it's not really any of my business, but it still pisses me off. Before folks get too mad, no, I'm not a parent, but I have a tendency to base stuff like this on what my own parents would've done. My folks couldn't afford to send us to school; even if they could, they wouldn't have. My parents firmly believed that if you want something bad enough, get it your damn self. I'm getting my education through the GI Bill, and I appreciate my education that much more because I earned it.
       I hated my parents while I was growing up for making me do chores (what kid didn't?). But in hindsight, I'm glad they did. I can cook, clean, do dishes and laundry, and at least take care of myself. I've said it before; his folks are very nice people. But, while my ex was growing up, he didn't do much for chores. His mom always cooked while his dad always cleaned up afterwards, plus they have a dishwasher. I asked my mom why we didn't have a dishwasher. She said, "Of course we have a dishwasher. We have three of them: Sarah, John and Matthew!"
       Another issue; health insurance. Unlike the golden boy, I can't afford to go to the doctor every time I get sick. He doesn't seem to grasp the fact that insurance is not cheap. My school just started making health insurance mandatory for all students. In fact, you can't enroll without it now. I ended up getting insurance through the school, which is another $500/semester I can't always afford. I don't go to the doctor unless it's serious enough, even with the crap insurance. I do have friends that are out on their own, but their folks still cover their health insurance. I can't fault them for that.
       Now, on to material things. I also get grants to cover things the GI Bill doesn't, and I use the leftover money for various things, like getting things on the car fixed. When I got a grant payment last spring, I decided it was high time I got my own laptop. When I told my man I was doing this, he's all, "Why are you so worried about material things?" I had to point out that unlike him, I had to go without a cell phone and a laptop for a long time because of money issues. I like having my own computer so that I don't have to make trips to the library to do homework, or bumming my roommate's computer. Yeah...he has a desktop and a laptop AND an iPhone, and he paid for none of it. And yet, I'm obsessing over material things. There's a huge difference between buying a few things you need (and a few things you like), and going nuts every time you have money. I would love to have more anime and anime-related items, but I have to watch myself. Getting small appliances here and there is good, too. I have a mini fridge in my room, along with a small chest freezer. Hey, why not? They'll be perfect for my next place I live in.
      Why the rant now? Well, we just broke up. He finally decided to man up and tell me why he'd been avoiding me. He's down in the south somewhere, doing volunteer work now. He admitted he'd been unhappy about being in a relationship for months, but couldn't bother to tell me this until very recently. He did say he was emotionally immature and couldn't do it anymore, but he decided to not be honest for the sake of not hurting me. Yup...true maturity here. He drove down there about a month and a half ago. But, he didn't drive down there himself, his dad went along with him and flew back. That's a real mature 24 year old for you.
     Of course, I should have known better myself, dating a guy that much younger than me (I'm 35). But, his spoiled, immature outlook on life didn't show itself until way into the relationship. At the beginning, he would help me out in any way he could, he was very sweet to me then. But, that guy is gone now, and a horribly spoiled brat is here to stay. I hope he enjoys living with his parents for the rest of his life, or until he finally grows up.


Monday, May 28, 2012

Please...don't forget what Memorial Day really means

               Hello, everyone. Before I write out my musing for the day, please remember to thank an active duty servicemember or a vet for all they do. If you have a vet in your family that is no longer with you, please take the time to remember them. Thank you. :)

Sunday, May 27, 2012

100% Homegrown Hypocrisy

         Hypocrisy sucks. usually begins in the home. If you say that neither you nor your family members have ever been hypocrites, you're full of shit.
         I'm going to point out a few shining examples of this today: Uncle Racist (Mom's brother) and Trucker Puke.
         I'll start with Uncle Racist, since there's more going on with him. He certainly lives up to the psuedonym I've given him: I was convinced that he invented just about every racial slur known to man...well, he definitely used every one of them, anyway. My parents weren't too worried about us using any of them; we would get our asses kicked from Minneapolis to New York and back.
         While we were still living in our old house, this douchebag was going through a divorce. He'd call Mom up every night and whine and cry over it. He didn't seem to care that she had to work or have kids of her own to worry about, or anything resembling a daily routine. Like clockwork, he'd call her up with the crocodile tear act. After a bit, she'd complain about he was driving her nuts. I even said something about telling him to shut up, but she'd go on about he's her brother and he needs her. Having someone to vent to is nice, but even that becomes old hat.
         And during this peaceful period of calling her and stirring shit up,  my cousins came to our house almost every day. That too, was also growing old. He would drop them off without any idea of when they'd leave. It varied from a couple of hours to all day, sometimes they would even spend the night.
        Before we moved to our farm house, this place made a sardine can look like a five-star hotel. (I exaggerate, but it was really cramped.)  Squeezing my parents, the three of us and the five demon spawn into this tiny house for night after night was never the best experience.
        It made me wonder....if the folks were sick of helping him out, why keep doing it? If my brothers and I were being idiots like that, we would be told to kick rocks.
        But, it wasn't just the divorce crap that they helped him with (the unexpected visit finally stopped). I lost track of how many times Dad would fix his van or pick him up or give him a lift somewhere. Again, if we pulled all this crap, we'd be told where to go after one time too many. But, for some strange reason, Dad, with all his grumbling, would still help the son of a bitch out. One time, it nearly got Dad killed.
        Dad brought Uncle Racist to a store to get something. The store was just robbed prior to them getting there. When they left, they got pulled over by the cops. The cops thought they robbed the place; an eyewitness said they didn't do it. The lucky part? Dad was driving a truck at the time that backfired very loud when the motor was shut off. If the cops had made him turn off the truck, we would've lost Dad a lot sooner than when we did.
       After that incident, you'd think that would've been the end of that crap. But, it continued ever after we moved, albeit in smaller quantities.
       Now on to Trucker Puke.
       This is probably the ONLY guy on the planet that has the capability of making Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh look like refined gentlemen. He creeped me out, my brothers barely spoke to him. But, my parents apparently developed a soft spot for the loser, just as they did with Uncle Racist. He was actually the ex-nephew-in-law of a friend down the road, I guess that's why they'd do some things for him.
        Anyway, he was an over the road trucker who didn't have a lot of friends (makes you wonder why). He would either go to his former uncle's to eat and/or shower, or he would show up at our place for the same things.
       At first, the parents were okay with giving him a hand once in a while. Them he started showing up almost all the time. He seemed to have honed his sense of smell or something, because when we would sit down to eat, like clockwork, he would appear, ready for his share.
       This routine got really old. Mom and Dad would start to complain about him being a sponge, yet still allowing him to get away with it. They had no problems with telling us, their own kids, no. Somehow, they failed to tell this creep the same thing.
       That all came to a head when my parents went somewhere, and we stayed home. They told us that we were NOT to let anyone in until they got back. Simple enough order to follow, right? A short while after they left, who shows up but Trucker Puke himself.
       He wanted us to let him in, but since we were home alone, it wasn't going to happen. Consequences be damned, I opened the door long enough to tell him to come back later, then slammed it in his face.  I wasn't concerned about what my parents would do; I just wanted him to stop coming over. Of course, they got mad at once they found out. I argued that they didn't want anyone inside when were home alone, that I was simply doing what I was told. They saw right throught that. I told them that it wasn't doing anyone any good to complain about him behind his back, then let him pull the stunts that he'd been pulling on us for months. I think they decided after a while to put a halt to the bullshit. We saw him less and less (which was okay by me), until he stopped coming by.
      What did I take away from all of this? I decided that I wouldn't let anyone (family or otherwise) get away with taking advantage of me. If saying "no" makes me look like a bitch, then I'll be the world's biggest bitch.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

A quick little disclaimer :)

    Throughout the course of this blog (however long that may be), I will not be using real names. Although they act like idiots 99.9 % of the time, that doesn't mean that they don't possess the capabilities of filing lawsuits.

Does anyone out there know about the amazing concept of calling ahead?!!!

    As I was surfing the internet, a memory came flooding back. The Weekend from Hell. No, seriously, it was that bad.
    This happened when I was fourteen. We moved from the big city out to an 80 acre farm out in the middle of nowhere (to me, anyway). It started on a Friday night; my brothers and I stayed at home while my parents went out to some crappy wedding reception which they ended up paying $50 a plate. They couldn't really afford to go out, but their friend really wanted them there. :/
    While they were out, one of my uncles called the house asking for directions. No one had a fucking clue that he was coming. If my folks knew he was dropping by, they would not have gone out at all. I freaked out over directions. I was just a kid; why the hell would I be paying ANY attention to what road you get off on and such, much less have the ability to get him on the right path. I ended up giving him the wrong directions (wish it would've been on purpose).
    The fun part was next: calling the parents. Yeah....Mom and Dad were super thrilled to hear this lovely bit of information. They knew I wouldn't invite him, but they were already angry about spending $100 for a crappy dinner at a reception for a friend of a friend. Plus, we were broke that weekend. At this point, I can't recall if my uncle showed up first or my parents. O_o Doesn't matter now, it was still rude and inconsiderate.
    The uncle shows up with the wife, three kids AND their two dogs. Luckily, for the sake of everyone's remaining shreds of sanity, they slept in their camper.
    The next morning, Mom and I went to the resort to clean cabins. When we got back, lo and behold, ANOTHER uncle shows up, with his four kids and another kid from his wife's side of the family. Counting my brothers and I, plus the three cousins from the night before, AND five more kids plus one...packet...of Kool-Aid...a complete Weekend from Hell!
    Camper Uncle finally felt bad enough to go get us groceries. Yeah, that was nice of him, but advanced notice would be even nicer. I could tell that Mom was fit to be tied. She held it in as best as she could, but give the poor woman a break. The other uncle had a cabin in the area (hence, I'll call him Cabin Uncle), so no more people were sleeping there for the weekend. Sadly, it wasn't the only time relatives would drop by unannounced, but it was the worst time, given the financial dire straits we were in.
     These were all Dad's siblings that were doing this crap. They all (well, almost all) lived back in the cities and apparent missed us enough to the point of treating our house like a damned resort. Which is funny, because the most time I would spend with these people is at the various holiday get-togethers. Even that was too much time with them for me....
     Anyway, we did the family hang out crap during that time. I dealt with it, but I couldn't wait for them to leave. I dont know exactly what Mom and Dad said to these people afterwards, but I do know that from then on, they called first.
    The moral is: have enough consideration to call ahead of time. If you don't, you'll be in for a rude awakening. If you drop by, don't be too upset if I'm not in the mood to entertain your dumb ass, much less let you stick around. People DO have lives and routines, you know. I could be at work, I could be on vacation, I could be having some amazing sex. Whatever I've got going on, don't expect me to drop what I'm doing just because we share a few bits of DNA.
     Although I don't speak to a lot of them now, I'm still very lucky they don't have my street address.  *shudders*