Three weeks...most of the hatred is gone, but not all of it. I'm surprised, to be honest. You'd think that after being with the idiot for almost two years, I'd still be crying my eyes out. Oddly enough, that hasn't happened. I've come close, but it doesn't happen. That doesn't mean that I'm ready to lift the block on Facebook, or have actual contact from him. That won't occur for a long time, if ever. (Well, maybe I'll lift the block if I have a new man. ) ;)
Some of the collateral damage from this emotional hurricane is the effect on my schoolwork. I usually do well on tests; not so much this time. I'm not TOO worried, though. It's not like it's crunch time for finals just yet. I'm resolving to get my head out of my ass and improve, especially if I want to transfer to another school.
Meanwhile, I've been staying at home when I'm not in school, and just having a Fullmetal Alchemist marathon. I've already seen FMA: Brotherhood in my anime club, and I wanted to watch the original anime series. I have the complete manga set (which I'm almost done reading), The Sacred Star of Milos AND The Conqueror of Shamballa. (Yeah, I'm just a touch on the obsessed side.) :)
I still have all the gifts he'd given me. They were DVD sets, some manga, a copy of Beowulf, a T-Shirt and miscellaneous other things. Any other person would have thrown these items out, but not me. Maybe if I cried every time I picked up something he gave me, it would be different. But, they were things I'd been wanting for some time. I haven't forgotten that he gave me this stuff, but I don't place that particular sentimental value on it anymore. They're still cool otaku-worthy items, and I haven't given up my being an otaku just because we're no longer together. In fact, I have a friend who was in a similar situation.
Now, the rant part of this entry:
Just for the hell of it, I browsed through his blog today. No, I wasn't expecting to find any shit-talking on his end. As a matter of fact, the last blog entry he posted was way back in March. I was mainly reading the stories he'd written. They're okay, definitely creative, but nothing too note-worthy.
In my last post, I mentioned that his parents paid for both of his degrees, right? Well, I saw it all in black and white when I read his very first blog post. At that time, he was treating it like a journal of sorts, AND he and I hadn't met yet.
I'll let you read this part for yourself (an excerpt from his first blog entry):
IRL, I'm a 20-something person studying for a writing degree at a midwestern college. I already have a degree in graphic design, but I left that school feeling like I hadn't really learned shit. I could only find a job at Kinkos, which I told myself was because design houses just aren't hiring in this economy, but it was mainly because I still felt completely unprepared to work in a mainstream business. After I found out I was going to be fired, I convinced my parents to fund my second degree. I've got some vague idea of becoming a genre fiction writer after I graduate, though a classmate got me interested in working in the anime/manga/comic book industry, which would be the greatest thing forevers. Looking back on my life right now, I see a bunch of zeroes multiplying by themselves and maybe, just maybe, managing to improve.
While it's totally understandable to have difficulties finding a job in a shit economy, this was a ridiculous act of cowardice here. I mean, is he going to convince his folks for a third degree if writing doesn't pan out? Give me a fucking break. Maybe this volunteer work will make him grow up, but who knows? I'm guessing he's having a rough time down there, between having to share a room with several other people, to having to cook at some point.
I told my roommate/landlord about the breakup when I saw him, and he was calling bullshit on the fact of my ex having two fully funded degrees while he was having student loan debt to deal with. Maybe I could understand his folks paying for one degree...but two is just plain idiotic. I would love to have a second degree (once I'm done with the first), but I know I would have to pay for that bad boy myself. Perhaps that's what they should have done with him: make him pay for any additional degrees he desires.
Maybe I'm crazy for thinking this, but I'm not convinced that the more degrees you have, the better your chances of getting a job. Nothing you do will make that job fall magically into your lap; that's just not the way things really work. But, the ex doesn't seem to grasp that. He's absolutely convinced that the volunteering work he threw me away for will make it rain heaps of job offers upon him when he returns. I don't doubt community service and extracurricular activities help spice up resumes, but that all goes back to 'nothing in life is ever guaranteed'.
I will be completely over him eventually. I just need more time. I just have to keep his hopelessly spoiled brat mentality in mind every time I think I want him back. I also have a particularly humiliating pic of him on my computer. Grudgingly, though, I'm not going to post it on here, since he has a blog on this website as well. As entertaining as blasting that pic all over the internet would be, it's not worth it UNLESS he does something hurtful to me.
There are plenty of other otaku fish in the sea. I'm really hoping the next guy I date has a job, a place of his own, and no umbilical cord attached. It would be a bonus if he had his own car, but I can always work around that. ^_^